When you don't know your dad: Is there always a void?

What Happened?
My mom came home from a doctor’s appointment with my sister and me to find that my father had left the family, taking the welfare check that was on the table. I was two at the time and have little memory of the challenging time our family was facing. I always knew that I was different because I didn’t have a dad, but I never asked about him. I eventually learned that he had met someone else and had more daughters. What I couldn’t understand is how a father could simply forget he has two other children as he raises three more. As a child you don’t know what unconditional love is when your own father leaves you.

How I survived
I didn’t question why my father left throughout my entire childhood. Perhaps I didn’t think that I deserve to ask. I had a vision of him living a regular life with his wife and three daughters and one day he would try to find me. I didn’t live each day hoping or even really thinking about it, I just thought it was something that could happen – perhaps a defense mechanism to help me get through.

The road to wellness
I discovered that my father wasn’t the dream I had envisioned him to be. Although the preverbal bubble burst that my father was searching for me, I was happy to know that I probably didn’t miss much not having him in my life. I think learning more about him helped displace some of the unrest I may have had. When asked what I would do if he did try to contact me, I think I would have coffee with him and try to understand the story from his side. In all areas of my life, I try not to harbour ill-will toward people rather try to better understand the position that they come from so that I can learn from the experience and move on.